Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Camp Sarah

As the school year drew to a close, I found myself looking with envy at the posters for summer camp that were popping up everywhere. Going back to parenting all day every day was going to be harsh. Whereas I was wallowing in self pity that summer camp wasn't on the calendar for the Just Barelys, my friend Sarah had a vision--Camp Sarah. She would pick a theme for each week and she and the children would do all sorts of educational activities and crafts that revolved around said theme. It would be just like sending the kids to one of those posh summer camps, only better. And cheaper.

The morning after the last day of school I got the following email. It's been a long time since I've read something that made me laugh as hard as this did, so I thought I'd share it with you. From Just Barely's first guest blogger, I give you the first day at Camp Sarah:

Management at Camp Sarah proposes the following activity schedule:

5:00am Children wake up, scream uncontrollably in crib until someone wakes up.

6:00am--Kids demand juice and a variety of breakfast items we do not have. ie: french toast with homemade blueberry syrup and a soupcon of nutmeg.

6:03am--Remind kids this is not a freaking bed and breakfast.

6:15am--Youngest has large BM, everyone suddenly does not want previously slaved-over breakfast items.

7:00--Kids dressed, beds made, mum exhausted already.

7:30--Bearinstein bears on TV, obnoxiously sweet show but at least is not reruns of "Buffy Vampire ho"

8:00--Mum now dressed and ready for educational day to start. Today's theme"birds".

8:30--Out of door to library to get books on birds at library.

9:00--Panicked screams from entire car as nearly run over turkey vulture on road. Thing is older than time itself. Decide not to get book on turkey vultures due to nightmare potential.

10:00--Kids have read all books about birds, want to paint birdhouses, but those were for tomorrow. Let them do it anyway. Consider eating packet of cookies.

11:00--Early lunch as have run out of things to do. Mum not hungry due to earlier cookie debacle.

12:00--Attempt to read books again for more educational content, but get suckered into reading Eloise for 30th time in month. Have to edit out using Lord's name in vain due to sudden inexplicable religious feelings.

1:00--Curious George on TV. Only other show kids allowed to watch. Realize that the oldest pulled off her wall paper at old house because George did it too. Reconsider Buffy Vampire slayer as potential show.

1:30 NAP TIME!!!!!!

1:35--Youngest done with nap. Managed to get in 2 minutes sleep during which dreamed a turkey vulture was attacking freshly painted birdhouses and stealing precious cookies.

1:36--Youngest now screaming to be picked up from crib. Stand in front of drinks cabinet and consider a moderate swig of pineapple rum. Should count as "fruit" food group.

1:40--Youngest now up, bellowing into play phone "hewoow", "hewoow". It is very cute.

2:30--Hewoowing has not stopped but only increased in volume. Cuteness factor somewhat less. Oldest now up, wants to know what we are going to do for rest of day. Completely out of bird ideas. Get out crayons to draw birds.

3:30-Remove bird sketch from wall. Distract children by playing classical music and having everyone pretend to be a bird.

3:45--Dancing birds are now trying to claw each other's eyes out.

4:00--Retreat to bathroom and flip self "the bird" in an attempt to soothe, calm and get rid of useless anger.

4:30--Dad home!!!!! Fling children at him. Run to car, gun engine with foot to floor. Reach "Wooden Nickel" or some such cozy pub in Hillsborough. Order entire drinks menu. Slur words and curse loudly about "Camp Sarah".

7:15--Try and think of tomorrow's theme. Maybe "who can sleep the longest"!!!!

Just Barely,

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  1. I read this at 3AM. All I've got...

  2. Oh that is too funny. Can I drop my kids off at Camp Sarah as well? The flying around like birds and then clawing each others' eyes out particularly hit home!

  3. I love Camp Sarah! Can wait to participate...esp in the bar hopping after! Oh wait....