One Liner (or "No New Americans")

One Liner (or "No New Americans")

Ah, there's nothing like a good pregnancy test first thing in the morning--especially when it tells you what you want to hear. After years of waiting anxiously for each of the girl's two lines to appear, it was odd to be relieved this morning when I only saw one. I was just being paranoid, really, as my symptoms can all be easily explained by the fact that I'm already a mom--the fatigue is attributable to my baby hating to miss an episode of Letterman while my two year old enjoys coming in my room to tell me to wake up because the sun has risen, producing 30 oz of milk a day would give any mammal sore boobs, and the weight I've recently gained probably has something to do with the fistfuls of M&Ms I eat throughout the day because I can't find the time to sit down and have a proper lunch. I long for the day when I can go to bed when I want, wake up when I want, and don't have to scrounge around for hotdog butts. Addison leaves for college in about 6270 days. If the two sets of two lines I already have would start waking up a few hours later, going to bed a few hours earlier, and making me a salad before taking a nap at the same time, I might just make it long enough to see her out the door. Perhaps then I'll stop feeling pregnant.

Happy 4th of July, everyone! Sorry, Uncle Sam--Call me unpatriotic, but Mommy needs a nap and a couple of drinks before she can even think about thinking about making more Americans.