Guest writer: The un-nappable

From Just Barely's second guest blogger, Emily Sable, I give you The Un-nappable:

Sunday night and much to my delight, my mother-in-law and the famous two-year old came to visit us for a couple of days. Two-year old was carried in by m-i-l since it was late, so husband and I kissed her good night and she was put to bed. On weekday mornings, I wake up with husband around 5:55 am (it hurts just to say it) and I attempt to make him some South Beach Diet breakfast (scrambled eggs with cheese and sautéed onions, mushrooms, and green peppers have pretty much dominated the morning menu.) I usually pack his lunch and send him off with a sleepy kiss and then float back to bed for a few hours. Monday morning, however, while cooking some scrambled eggs (surprise!) there stood two-year old in the threshold of the kitchen with her Cheshire cat grin ready to pounce on me with a big hug. "Hi cupcake!" I beamed, and she scrambled over to me in her footed pajamas and I scooped her up with messy spatula in hand. It's so easy to love this kid.

On the agenda for Monday, I needed to stop at the vet's to exchange my dog Hershey's incontinence medicine drops for the little white pills. (I had already tried the chewable tablets with her but they smelled like dog-butt and even she wouldn't eat them despite the fact that she licks her own butt as well as our black lab Que's fifty times a day.) Loading up two-year old in the car, we headed out for the morning. At the vet's, two-year was held captivated by all the animals in the waiting room lying on the floor in protest or nervously pacing in their carriers. Two-year old was particularly interested in an orange tabby cat meowing in its carrier. "See yooks lie peeses," noted two-year old to the cat's owner. The woman smiled and asked politely, "I'm sorry honey, what did you say?" "See yooks lie peeses!" repeated two-year old. Puzzled, the women looked to me for help. "What did she just say?" orange tabby cat owner inquired. "I don't know," I answered, "I don't speak her language." The waiting room snickered as I explained that this little charming girl was my niece and I could only use half-educated guesses at what she was saying most of the time (50% of my brain cells go on strike due to her limited vocabulary.) Racking my brain for something in the realm of felines, I remembered that two-year old had a couple of small cats at her house that strayed in one day. "Oh, I think she said your cat looks like Peaches, her cat at home" I finally quipped. "Yeah," two-year old chimed in (like, duh, that's what I've been saying!) The receptionist finally found our little white pills to keep Hershey from peeing all over the house and we made our exit leaving the whole of the waiting room smiling at the pure sweetness of this little girl.

Next stop, the grocery store to buy some soy milk for lactose-intolerant two-year old as well as some Fruit Loops and eggs. Thinking I could get away with buying to two boxes of Fruity Cheerios that were on sale for $4.00, two-year old was not about to let me off that easy. "Dose are not Froo Whoops!" she exclaimed. "Yes they are!" I volleyed back at her. While two-year can not read her own bedtime stories, she did know the letters in Fruit Loops and she wasn't about to buy my story about these imposter Cheerios. "Hey, do you want some ice cream while we're here??!!" I excitedly asked in hopes she would temporarily focus her desires on other sugary treats. "Yeah, I wan soy iseem," (that's soy ice cream for those of you not versed in the native language of children under four.) "Yay!!! Let's go get some soy ice cream!" I cheered as I slipped the faux Fruit Loops into our cart and quickly pushed us out of the cereal isle. We bumped our way through the check-out isle (those kiddie carts with the cute little cars on the front of them are like trying to drive semi's through New York City alleys) and headed home.

For lunch, I whipped up a child-friendly lunch of peanut butter and jelly along with strips of red bell peppers and cucumbers. Two-year old ate the veggies but left the sandwich standing alone on the plate. "How come you don't want your peanut butter and jelly sandwich," I asked her. "Betaws ih don fih in my mouf," she protested. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't think about that. Let me cut that into smaller pieces so you can fit it in your mouth." Despite cutting the sandwich into perfect little squares that no two-year old could deny were tempting, she was done eating and so I sampled a square and fed the rest to Hershey who dutifully stands by whenever two-year has her meals in hopes of catching those "morsels from heaven" that dependably fall to the floor. I wiped her hands and mouth and suggested we tap a nap. I'm sure you can guess the answer I got.

"Nooooo! I don wanna tay ah nap!"

"Why?" I asked her. "Naps are so great!" (What a pathetic comeback.)

"Nooooo!" was her final answer.

"Okay, how about we go lay in my nice big bed and then you can decide if you still don't want to nap?" Maybe asking in such a way would convince her that lying in a soft bed in a darkened room was something to be savored at one o'clock in the afternoon. She led the way down the hall and I followed with a sleepy smile. I lifted her up onto my bed and as I was pulling back the covers, she asked for her milk. "Hold on, I'll go get it." This would be easy, I thought. Handing her the sippy cup filled with soy milk, I climbed under the covers next to her and started to close my eyes when. . ."Lemony," she whispered (this was my name) "I nee Yoosee." "You need what?" I was stumped. Sensing my confusion, two-year old clarified. "I nee Yoosee, my dawyee." "Oh, you need Lucy, your dolly!" I scanned the line-up of dolls on the spare bed and scooped them all up not knowing who exactly Lucy was. "I wasn't sure which one was Lucy, so I grabbed everyone," I explained as I dumped six dolls with hard plastic heads and limbs in between us. "Dis won is Yoosee" she pointed out as she held up a naked doll covered with smudges and scratches only love can put on a toy. "Alright, let's take a nap!" I could already feel my body falling into a nice peaceful slumber when. . ."Lemony," whispered two-year old. I kept my eyes shut hoping she'd think I was already enjoying my nap but that was a fleeting thought as this was a child who knew the difference between brands of cereal and certainly wasn't about to believe I could fall asleep in a matter of seconds. "Lemony," she whispered again. I cracked an eye open and she was inches away intently studying me. "I nee ah Poo-up awn." "I'll go get you a Pull-Up," I thankfully answered not wanting my Tempur-Pedic mattress to smell like urine for the next year. I came back holding up the prized absorbent underwear and slipped them onto her once again crawling under the covers to maybe. . .just maybe take that nap I was talking about when. . ."Lemony," came another little whisper. . ."Lemony, I wan my mihl" This was going to be a looooong day I thought as I handed her the sippy cup of soy milk and rose from the bed helping two-year old down to go watch more cartoons.
-Emily Sable


Got a story for me? Send it to justbarelymail at gmail!