Monday, March 2, 2009

Half-Assed Vegetarian

Vegetarian for a Month

Steve and I have decided to go vegetarian for the month of March. The idea was mine to begin with, but I'm kind of fuzzy on the reasoning behind it seeing as how I don't have any moral or health problems with eating beasties--in fact, I find them to be quite delicious. I think it started out as some sort of Double Dog Dare when I was drunk that was escalated when I told Steve he should do it instead of his plan to give up booze for Lent. I'm not sure when exactly he found Jesus enough to give up booze for him, but I don't like drinking more than three or four drinks a day alone, so I was glad when he agreed to try quitting the animal with me.

Vegetarian Month Eve: Quick! Get the mutton!

At 11:53 last night I realized our vegetarian month was about to begin. "Quick!" I told Steve, "We're about to become vegetarians! Let's go eat a mutton chop before it's too late!" To the best of my knowledge, I've never eaten a mutton chop in my whole life. In fact, I'm not even sure exactly what a mutton is, but I'm pretty sure it's some sort of animal, or at least part of one, and it seemed of utmost importance that I had a chop of it in the next seven minutes. Steve did not share my urgency and he rolled over and went back to sleep. I rushed downstairs to look for some mutton and, finding none, settled on a handful of bacos.

Vegetarian Day 1: At least the salad was pretty.

As is our Sunday morning custom, Ella and I made a pit stop at Dunkin' Donuts to fortify ourselves before church. Ella ordered her usual, a doughnut with white icing and all different colored sprinkles. "And I'll have a medium coffee and a chocolate doughnut with bacos sprinkles," I told the lady at the counter. Then I remembered I was a vegetarian now, and glumly canceled my order. "I'll just have an apple fritter instead," I said, punishing myself for my forgetfulness. The fritter turned out to be highly unsatisfying and, actually, a little gross. Next week I'm going back to the jelly doughnut sans ham filling.

For lunch I had a yogurt and three chocolate turtles. They were they kind of turtles that involved peanuts and caramel dipped in chocolate, not actual turtles dipped in chocolate, as that wouldn't be vegetarian.

Sunday night is traditionally pasta night at our house. This seems like it would be a gift from the born again half-assed vegetarian gods, but no. As I rifled through the freezer I realized all I had in there were sauces involving cow, turkey, and assorted sausage animals. As it was too late to start a new pot of moo-free sauce, I settled on some Pesto Tortellini Bowls I bought from Trader Joes on a wild spree of meatless shopping. They looked pretty lame-o, but ended tasting reasonably good so I decided to stay on the wagon for another day.

Pretty on the cover, a little ghetto on the inside, yet tasty-ghetto.

At least the salad was pretty.

Vegetarian Day 2: Beef N' Cheddar, I wish I knew how to quit you!

I started off the morning by cutting out a coupon for Buy One Get One Free Beef & Cheddar from Arby's, and then cried when I remembered I wouldn't be eating any delicious Beef & Cheddars for a while. I'll pass the coupon on to a hobo so at least he can enjoy two little slices of heaven.
Three women sat across from me at the coffee shop and chowed down on some hogies that involved bacon. I heard one of they say, a little too loudly, "Anything with bacon in it is great." Bitch. I stared until they got creeped out and left. Then I ate a granola bar and an apple.
Went to the grocery store. They were selling an 8 piece bucket of fried chicken for $4.99 and giving away free samples of turkey. Jerks.
Dinner was asian shrimp stew with steamed rice. It was good enough to strengthen my vegetarian resolve. I'll post the recipe.

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  1. Love the new blog!

  2. Mutton? What are you--Oliver Twist reject? Please sir....I want some more! (to be said in stagey Cockey accent). Isnt' mutton actually just sheep by another name?
    Love Sarah